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I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Given the places I`ve had my tongue, no we cannot "just be friends".
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?