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They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
I hate that little line of dirt that I can never get into the dust pan.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.