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If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
Three weeks without a signal typo!
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
My body needs a refresh button.