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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I`m not impatient. You`re just slow.
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.