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Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we`re taking it slow now.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.