Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Most problems can be solved with nudity
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
Every Facebook photo album could be titled either "Envy Me!" or "Pity Me!"
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.