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If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
I see you`re busy. I`ll come back later and ruin your free time.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
If you`re happy and you know it, thank your ex.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...