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Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you. I promise.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
How to Train Your Dragon offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.