Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
Trust me, I am a liar.
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.