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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?