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Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Sorry to all my friends and family members who didn`t know I was a freak until they saw my likes and shares on Facebook.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
My memory foam has amnesia