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I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
We get it poets: things are like other things
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.