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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
I am used but in good condition.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.