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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".