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"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.