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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......