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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Iām actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.