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If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
When I die, I want people to say, "That guy owed me a lot of money"
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Sometimes, I don`t know how I`m going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.