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It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.
Admit it: you have all tried to rap in the shower..