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I never know the proper etiquette with the pizza delivery guy. Do I kiss him before or after paying him?
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
AWESOME!
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.