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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
Whoever lost a bundle of $20 bills tied up in a rubber band..I found the rubber band..
No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
If I text with β€œAlmost there!” I haven’t left yet.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be