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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park