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Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
I drink coffee for your protection.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.