Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
The wet spot in my bed is tears
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.