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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.