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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
Never call me creepy. You`re the only one that doesn`t even know we`re engaged.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.