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If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!
I called McDonald`s to make a reservation for Valentine`s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone.