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Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, sex with strangers. You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad"
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.