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If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
that song on your iPod that you always skip but never delete.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
It takes balls to be a man.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.