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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.