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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
A birth control pill a day keeps the mini-van away.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.