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Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!