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Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
MIDDLE EAST: How can we stop ISIS? EUROPE: How can we save our economy? AMERICA: What color is this dress?!
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.