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I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
The most common crossfit injury is a black eye from talking about it too much.
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
he who laughs last thinks slow
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.