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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.