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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.