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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
We get it poets: things are like other things
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Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.