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They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
I said "sad face emoji" instead of actually frowning today if you want to know how out of touch with reality I am.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.