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Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
Irish Handcuffs: Holding a beer in each hand.
If I throw a stick will you leave?
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.