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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, he`s trying to bust a move.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t