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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.