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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
I liked you better before we met.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds