Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.