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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.