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I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
I`d rather run into the four horsemen of the apocalypse than a group of women out on a "girls` night."
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.