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If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Australian kiss. It`s kind of like a French kiss, but down under.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.