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Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn