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How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
gua suka sama kamu