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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can`t drive a bus.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."