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I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
lifes a laugh, start living it!
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.