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This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what the f*ck is in a can of Raid?
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!