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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
When people I don’t know ask me what I do for a living I shout “Karma,” and punch them before running away.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.