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Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.