Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions...
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
Technically, every picture is a before picture.