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I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!