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Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Today is National Fritters Day. I don`t know what that means, so I just went naked today. Gotta be something like that.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.