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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.