Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.