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First fart at my new job.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.