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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.