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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
I just ran a .003048K
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Can I get likes for no reason?
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"