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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Sometimes when my phones at 5% battery life I call back all the people I didn`t want to talk too.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?