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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Who ever said technology will replace paper.....has obviously never tried wiping their a$$ with an IPAD.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".