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Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
Long story short, I love summaries.
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.