Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.