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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.