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There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?