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Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.