Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.