Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
Siri, where are my pants?
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?