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Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
Work is one long game of back and forth emails with cleverly disguised f*ck you`s.
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.