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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
If you think you’ve hit rock bottom, the only thing that can cheer you up is bringing somebody else down with you.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Mondays should start at noon.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
If you don’t want to marry me, why did you sit next to me on this bus?
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Hash browns not tags.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.