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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
I`m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!