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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
I`m not sayin you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their a$$
I will be thoroughly disappointed if the first human born on Mars isn’t named Marvin.
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.