Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
When I drink I become everybody`s friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I`m sober.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.