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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
I was visited by three spirits last night, Vodka, Rum And Gin. . .
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
Line forms here for spankings
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.