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Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.