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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
Relationship Status: eating
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
The biggest lie I tell myself is: “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.