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A lot of people are very competitive when playing stupid.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Ever wonder why divorces are expensive? Because they are worth it!
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
When you send food back to the kitchen, you`re basically saying, "Can you have the chef rub his genitals on this please."
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?